BChurch

It has been quite some time since I have paid any attention to this blog, I've been very distracted to say the least. Movin half way across the country can do that, and getting a myspace account also dominated my time online. But now thats deleted and I'm starting fresh...... I in Albuquerque now and am looking forward to getting involved in some things not quite sure what they are yet but I've been looking into a few churches and dwahtnot so I'll post any updates.

These things, I struggle with.

I struggle with people who are always wearing a mask when I'm around them. Being just as fake as they can to try and decieve me into thinking thats who they really are. I believe I'm very good at seeing this because I am a MASK MASTER! I can't even count the number of masks I've developed over the years. I have become able to be accepted and liked by most types of people who might never even look at me if they knew the truth, (that I wasn't really a happy nice guy all the time who passionatley cares for those who are less fortunate than myself, but actually an angry, mean, and selfish person who's always looking out for "what's in it for me?" This I struggle with.

I struggle with what we have declared to be christianity. I have come to know and be involved with what I believe to be a knock-off brand of something that is more beautiful than words can even come close to describing. To GO? to church is becoming harder and harder every week, nothing that I'm involved in feels more plastic, manipulative, and institutionalized than what I see at the place we've established and called CHURCH. To sit and read from a book that says challenging things like love your neighbor, feed the hungry, cloth the naked, and then to just leave and go to my warm house and continue the game of "seek comfort and pleasure" things seems a little contradicting to me.

Maybe it has to do with the mindset that I've adopted and am trying to destroy that revolves around me wanting nothing more than you to believe what I believe, then think what I think, and ultimately be like me because I know what I'm talking about and if you only did what I said you would be eternally secure, live a full happy life and not really have to deal with any big time self inflicted problems. Isn't that screwed up!!!!I'm 25 years old!!!!! I've been raised in America where we have everything the rest of the world doesn't. How could I possibly be the final word on living life perfectly? Thinking I have all the answers- this I struggle with.

Today at the building I go to every Sunday morning I was talking with my friend Bob. He looked beat up, not in a "punched in the face during a bar fight" kind of way but pretty close. So I asked him "Bob you look beat up dude, whats goin on?" He proceeded to tell me how he's just scrapin by financially due to a loss of hours at work and how he ain't got no food for him and his two kids. So I listened.Now keep in mind- I'm not the kind of guy that can just sit there and listen to someone tell me how there tryin there best to put food on the table but just can't quite do it and then smile,nod,repeat in my head"sucks to be you" and then walk away.So the service starteds and the people sang and then the Pastor talked, BUT before the Pastor starts talking I get the opportunity to make any announcements that need to be announced, (imagine that-announcing announcements hmmmm....) and that's when I saw my chance and I took it. I launched operation: SUPERONE , superone is a grocery store down the street, I said that last year at this time some friends and I had pulled a grocery driveby on a guy we knew who was down on his cash flow, we had all pooled our cash together and went to superone got a ton of food and then left it on his doorstep and bailed.And now that same problem has arose, Bob had no clue I was talkin about him, "he must of been thinking about how he was going to get food?) So we did it! We got a bunch of cash together and then me and like 4 other people mobbed down to the store and on our way we saw Bob and his kids,( I had asked him if he wanted to be a part of it earlier but he just looked at me like I hadn't been paying any attention to what he was tellin me. ) So we see Bob and I told him we need his help cause we don't know what kinds of food they like to eat, then Bob got it!!! It was great -out